


Crustacean Frustration

by Hawfinch



Category: Final Fantasy X & Final Fantasy X-2
Genre: Cooking, F/M, Lobsters, attempted lobster murder, surprisingly not a fic about lobsters trying to kill tidus, the other way around actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 13:44:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10492152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawfinch/pseuds/Hawfinch
Summary: It's Tidus's night to make dinner, and Yuna wanted Lobster.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I like projecting my own fears onto Tidus.  
> This started out as a tumblr post about Tidus trying to make lobster for Yuna and then I decided to make a fic.

Tonight was Tidus’s turn to make dinner. Him and Yuna would take turns depending on their schedules, and today Yuna was in really high demand. So tonight, Tidus would make anything Yuna’s heart desired.

And Yuna really wanted some lobster.

Of course would like lobster, she was raised in a seaside village, where seafood was probably the primary source of meat for everyone in Besaid. Most people in Spira actually.

Lobster. No big deal. _He_ , was raised in a seaside city after all. He was no stranger to seafood. 

The old man would take him and his mother out to a fancy lobster restaurant all the time. Tidus would stare in the lobster tank until they were ready to be seated.

And then he would order chicken nuggets.

There was just something about lobsters that made him freeze up. It wasn’t that they were scary, in fact Tidus quite liked lobsters. They were just very cool creatures.

Not that he didn’t like chickens, but you didn’t have to boil a chicken alive in order to eat it. You can buy the pieces of chicken you need. You aren’t doing the dirty deed. 

But lobsters? You get them whole and alive, and then they give you this look, and then you murder them in cold blood.

Tidus realized dinner was going to be more difficult than he originally thought.  He had never had a problem with lobster before! What was with him now?

Oh right.

Auron wasn’t a fancy eater, and they lived on a diet of grilled fish and boxed mac n’ cheese.  Tidus got the feeling that Lord Braska did most of the cooking on their Pilgrimage. 

It was the primary reason Tidus learned to cook for himself. Especially when Auron would start dropping in less and less frequently as he got older, so Tidus just never had lobster, or learned how to cook it.

But now, there were two of them, staring him right in the face.

“Alright, Wakka said you guys don’t feel pain. So. This… Shouldn’t be so bad?” Tidus tried to reason with himself.

The easiest way was to just slice their bodies in half.

“Alright guys. Yuna likes lobster. And I like Yuna. I like her a lot more than I like you two.” Tidus said, holding a knife to the two lobsters.

This should be easy. You murdered a Maester! You killed your own father! Albeit it being necessary for destroying Sin forever and your friends were there to help you, but the statement stands. You can murder a few freaking lobsters.

Except he couldn’t.

The two lobsters, crawling around on the counter. Innocent, unaware of their impending death.

At the very least, he had a warning before he had to destroy his own existence.

These lobsters had nothing.

Nothing but each other.

“You two better fuckin’ thank me for this.” Tidus says, putting the knife back in the block, and taking off his apron.

\---

Yuna was in high demand, and the last thing she expected was to meet her boyfriend on the way home.  No no, meeting him on the way home wasn’t that strange. Meeting him on the way home, and him being soaking wet, now that was strange.

“Uh…?” She didn’t really know what to ask.

“I. Uh.” And he didn’t really know what to say.

“Did you… Uh. Finish dinner early and go for a swim?” Yuna asks.

“About dinner…” Tidus says, laughing nervously.

“What happened?” Yuna asks.

“I couldn’t do it! They kept on looking at me with their little lobster eyes, and walking around on our counter, and I just couldn’t bring myself to kill them!!” Tidus says, wrapping his arms around Yuna, groaning.

“It’s okay! But. Why are you wet?” Yuna asks, hugging Tidus back, and rubbing his back.

“I returned them.” Tidus says.

“To the vendor?” Yuna asks.

“No.” Tidus says.

“Then… Where did you return them?” Yuna asks.

Tidus let go of Yuna, looking her in the eyes.

“I sent them back home to the ocean, where Mumford and Gwendolyn can live out their lives together.” Tidus explains.

 

“...”

 

“I took off their rubber bands, and swam them out to where the fishermen catch the lobsters, and I sent them a little ways off from there.”

“Mumford?” Yuna asks.

“And Gwendolyn.” Tidus adds.

Quietly, she walked into their home, heading for the towels.

“You… You named them?” Yuna asks, tossing a towel at Tidus, who was already taking off his wet clothes.

“Yeah, that didn’t help the trying to cook them thing.” Tidus says, rubbing the towel on his wet hair, “Yuna, I will make you anything else. Anything. Except crabs. I think we would have the same problem here.”

“...pff” A puff of air escapes Yuna’s mouth before she begins to laugh.

“Hey!” Tidus says.

“I-I’m sorry-” More laughter, “It’s just. It’s really sweet that you tried to make my favorite even though it made you uncomfortable. But-” Yuna cracks up again.

“Okay it’s not that funny.” Tidus mumbles.

“You! Swam out to the ocean! To take them home!” Yuna was hollering now, “You could have just sent them free at the beach but you went all the way to where they live!”

“I wanted Mumford and Gwendolyn to be safe!” Tidus says.

“YOU NAMED THEM!!” Yuna says, “You made friends with our dinner!”

“... Okay, it’s a little funny.” Tidus says, giving up on defending himself.

“It’s cute.” Yuna says, walking back to a still wet Tidus, hugging him, “You’re really cute.”

“Yeah? You know who’s cuter?” Tidus asks.

“Mumford and Gwendolyn?” Yuna replies, looking up at Tidus.

“You know it!” Tidus says, lifting and crushing Yuna in a bear hug.

They laughed as he twirled her a bit before setting her back down, catching his breath.

“Let’s go back to the market. See if they have any nice tuna left.” Yuna says. 

“I’ll put on some dry pants!” Tidus says, giving Yuna a quick kiss as he begins unbuckling and walking over to their room.

After a quick change, Tidus ran out, grabbed Yuna’s hand and they head out to the market, to find dinner in a different sea creature.

 

 

It’s said, that Mumford and Gwendolyn are still roaming the ocean to this day, 

claw in claw.

**Author's Note:**

> I enjoy eating meat, but I cannot stand watching cooking shows about Lobster, because if it's a competition, then everyone will be ripping the poor fellows in half, and if it's an actual cooking educational show, we still see the dirty deed.  
> And I don't appreciate it.  
> And Tidus is a character I can relate to a lot.  
> So I project my fears onto him.  
> All my lobster related fears.


End file.
